Beyond bans: Supporting teens in their digital lives

The early teen years are one of the most critical times in a young person’s life. It is the moment when parents begin to shift from being helicopter pilots to co-pilots with their kids. At FOSI, we have long maintained that these are the years when the bigger conversations occur about social media, rules, consequences and safety. This is also when kids need to hear from their parents: “If something goes wrong, come to me. I will not freak out. This is a safe space.” That kind of trust is worth more than any setting or filter.

This is not to say that tools do not matter. In fact, tools can make all the difference. Google’s Family Link, a parental control app that helps manage children’s digital habits across devices, and YouTube’s supervised experience, a set of settings that allows parents to tailor content and features for teens and tweens, for example, are powerful and much-needed resources. But here is the challenge: most parents are dealing with multiple children, each at different ages, each using different apps and devices. Instead of forcing parents to dig through settings menus and guides, imagine being able to ask an AI assistant like Gemini or ChatGPT to configure controls for you, customized by age, app and device. That is where this is headed, and frankly, it is what families deserve.

We need to draw a clear line between blanket bans and thoughtful restrictions. Across Europe and the U.S., there has been growing support for broad rules, such as saying no one under sixteen should be allowed on social media. While I understand the instinct, blanket bans often create a false sense of security. Kids will still encounter risks, still find workarounds and many genuinely need access to devices, even for something as simple as a last-minute change in a school pick-up. Thoughtful restrictions, developed in consultation with parents, schools and communities, are far more effective because they give teens both protection and a sense of agency.

What works better is giving teens some agency and involving schools and parents together in making restrictions that make sense. If you do not feel your child is ready for social media, then by all means keep them off. But if they are using it, let’s make sure it is done responsibly and with guidance.

This is where well-being outcomes matter. It is not just about how much time a child spends online, but how they use that time. There is a big difference between 30 minutes of mindless scrolling on devices and 30 minutes on a video chat with a grandparent. We all spend more time on screens today because our lives are on our devices and at our fingertips. During the COVID-19 pandemic, teens repeatedly told us that the internet saved them. Gaming became a lifeline for social interaction. Online forums offered safe places to explore identity or to find others who loved the same music or shared common interests. These experiences can expand horizons in ways geography cannot.

Of course, limiting access too much risks shutting teens out of these valuable experiences. At the same time, young people are clear about what they want: more support to use technology safely, more help navigating AI and structured training in schools. And this is where the ground is shifting under our feet.

AI has swept through classrooms faster than any other technology I can remember. Teachers are using it to create lesson plans, kids are using it to learn and experiment, and even university professors are using it for research assistance. No one has set a clear path yet. That is why we need to keep teachers, parents and policymakers in the room together, and more importantly, bring teens into that conversation. Let them help shape the systems and supports they will actually use.

I applaud efforts like digital literacy and AI education programs. They are a strong start. However, we need to be mindful of who is creating the content. When materials come directly from the industry, they can understandably reflect that company’s perspective or ecosystem. Parents and teachers deserve to know that standards are impartial and ideally developed with leadership from governments or education ministries. Technology companies have an important role to play, but independent frameworks are essential for building trust.

So where do we go from here? My advice is simple:

• For policymakers: Put safety back in the center. The next time you gather for a global AI summit, ensure that safety is not just mentioned, but is in the name and on the agenda.
  
• For teachers: Band together. Share lessons and create standard rules of the road so students hear consistent guidance across classrooms.
  
• For parents: Keep talking. Teens tell us their biggest frustration is not too many rules, but not being able to get their parents’ attention. Do not let your own devices distract you from them.

Europe tends to be more cautious, the U.S. more rapid in its adoption. Both can learn from each other, but one lesson spans cultures and centuries. Socrates, the master of asking questions, shaped minds, not through bans, but through dialogue. Perhaps we should borrow from his classroom circles as we build our digital ones.

Because in the end, wisdom comes from conversation, whether it is in a semicircle at school or at the kitchen table between a parent and a teen.